a cheat sheet nonetheless

it comes to no surprise to me that i am, then and ever again, single. we were never in a fully committed relationship, but was in some sort of exciting little arrangement that didnt lead anywhere. and then there was the new guy: more potential than the other but an even greater amount of uncertainty. last night was when they both expired. and how funny that it all ended while i was having a few good laughs with good company.  one guy after the other. its like i caused my own domino sequence.

the new guy was a lost cause to begin with.. i just never wanted to believe it. but about this arrangement i had with the other.. i dont know how to feel really. im oddly relieved, but im forcing myself to feel sad and disappointed just to feel normal i guess.. and mainly to assure myself that the time i  put into it was not fully wasted. having something to miss will in turn make me feel like the arrangement i signed up for wasnt all to his advantage; that i actually truly enjoyed my time with him. but, nada. i dont feel a thing but relief, and its definitely not sitting well with me.