a cheat sheet nonetheless

some people walk around with their nose up high, constantly passing mindless judgment. talking as if everyone else is inferior. nothing is more bothersome than a condascending tone. 

my quarter life crisis, errr revelation starts now. six days short of my actual birthday. i need a clean slate.. rid myself of hangups, guilt, and most of all, insecurities. the second quarter of my life will be different.

a fortune cookie i ate over lunch said: "you will find luck in higher education." i agree. i think thats the perfect start..

this weekend was great. sometimes running away from reality helps. woot.

it comes to no surprise to me that i am, then and ever again, single. we were never in a fully committed relationship, but was in some sort of exciting little arrangement that didnt lead anywhere. and then there was the new guy: more potential than the other but an even greater amount of uncertainty. last night was when they both expired. and how funny that it all ended while i was having a few good laughs with good company.  one guy after the other. its like i caused my own domino sequence.

the new guy was a lost cause to begin with.. i just never wanted to believe it. but about this arrangement i had with the other.. i dont know how to feel really. im oddly relieved, but im forcing myself to feel sad and disappointed just to feel normal i guess.. and mainly to assure myself that the time i  put into it was not fully wasted. having something to miss will in turn make me feel like the arrangement i signed up for wasnt all to his advantage; that i actually truly enjoyed my time with him. but, nada. i dont feel a thing but relief, and its definitely not sitting well with me.

things are oddly familiar at the moment. not much difference from the arrangement i was in a couple of years ago. im not quite sure what im doing once again. things are fun. things are natural; sometimes a little too natural that it scares me. i want to be able to just roll with the punches, but the inner smart in me is worrisome. this isnt a situation i need to put myself through again. i wasnt too happy when it ended last. i doubt it will be any different this time around. what to do?

when i finally settle down, first order of business would be to add these two cuties to my life:

an exotic named bissou..


and a frenchie named klaus.


bissou bissou mes petits choux!

i thought these reviews were interesting. i never realized how infamous this event / movement grew to be..

http://www.yelp.com/biz/critical-mass-san-diego-2

my inner poli sci geek would love to suggest that this could have easily been benjamin barber's favorite activity every last friday of the month. but no one would really get it. all geeky comments aside, this type of participatory politics is exactly what this country needs. from what i know, it all started in san francisco as an event to raise road safety awareness for the sake of all bikers. some have then taken it as an informal protest against rising gas prices. other cities then slowly caught on. it was a great way to mobilize a younger and normally indifferent and apathetic crowd. 

but apparently in san diego, its now become about blocking traffic on the 94 freeway (come on now), ignoring stop lights and traffic signals, throwing beer bottles on the sidewalk, and not letting pedestrians pass. they undoubtedly meant well, they just attracted the wrong crowd.. douchebags. its always the ignorant over-zealous assholes that ruin it for everyone.

anarchy could be a good thing for movements such as this. but at this point, there needs to be some sort of structure.  it only really takes one ballsy and persuasive individual to tell these idiots to either straighten up or kick rocks.

out with the old; in with the new. ive been keeping this secret from so many people for so long. today i'm coming clean. its part of my past now, and im starting to feel more comfortable telling the story.

december 11, 2007 was when i thought my life was over. a good friend was visiting, so there was something to celebrate on a monday night. i refrained from drinking excessively because i was the driver. any other night, i wouldn't have cared. i admit, i've driven in worse conditions before, but that night i felt i needed to be careful. ironically, on our way home, i was pulled over and later charged with driving under the influence. i was then thrown in a women's detention facility also known as filthy jail. i shared the cell with three prostitutes and some girl who actually deserved a dui. it was the longest five hours of my life. i was completely sober. it felt like an episode of  "scared straight," and i have been on this roller coaster a la california legal system ever since. a pleading that was submitted in my case was shown to me. the caption: state of ca v. me. that was an awakening in and of itself.

today july 30, 2008, it all finally ended. i walked away still with some infringing sentence as penalty for my driving "under the influence," but i walked away redeemed and relieved. it was the best feeling i've felt in awhile. this long, arduous, worrisome process is now done. i can finally move on.

i understand my actions that december night were somewhat careless.. but i also defend that i was not acting out of complete irrationality and disregard for other's and my own safety. i blew below the legal limit. i was fine to drive. what is the point of having a legal standard when that "standard" is merely subjective and solely up to the (under-trained) officer on duty? my unfortunate luck permitted me to be in the wrong place at the worst possible time, and i was reprimanded for it. but i'm done. i am past talking about the specifics, and i'm over feeling cheated. i promised not to be bitter about this anymore. my focus will now be on living a new life sans all that happened, and learning from this twisted little life lesson. the past few months have dragged me down, and turned me into someone i do not like. but, realization and acceptance are the first baby steps, things are starting to look up from here. 

i'm strangely attracted to charlie of 'its always sunny in philadelphia.' on sunday, him and the cast of always sunny will be at comic con. there is no place i would rather be. but its a little too late to get tickets, and i don't like throwing money away. so i will be at sheila's triple b party in the lbc instead.

one of these days, charlie.. one sweet day.

appreciation is definitely something that increases with age. i've grown to realize that i've taken a lot of people and aspects in my life for granted. this is becoming more and more apparent as i get older and have to work hard for things that were normally hand fed and freely presented to me.

on that note, i would not have liked me if i met me a few years ago. i am so glad life has a clever way of putting things in perspective.